What to do with a ‘Should’
I don’t enjoy being told what to do. Especially just because everyone else is doing it. Like posting on social media. In fact, I’m one of those people who immediately wants to do the opposite. So when a ‘should’ comes out of my mouth or runs across my thoughts, I have learned to pause in my tracks. A ‘should’ signals that I need to pay attention to what I’m ‘shoulding’ about in order to make the best choice for myself. If I don’t, I’m likely to do something out of an expectation and I usually end up being regretful (or resentful) later on.
Here is what I do (and you can do) when a ‘should’ comes your way:
N-otice without judgment and pause. You can say: “Huh, I just said I should…”
I-nvestigate What is the should about? Why would you honor it? How does saying yes/no land as sensation in your body? Ask yourself whose needs are you meeting by honoring the should? What about your needs?
C-hoose Mindfully choose to honor the should or not. There is no right or wrong choice. The point is to choose on purpose without judgment. You can say, “I am choosing to do X.”
E-valuate Pay attention to your body sensations and feelings after you make your choice. What did you learn from saying yes/no to the should?
In other words, pay attention to your needs and be NICE to yourself. If you are not accustomed to meeting your needs over a ‘should,’ you are very likely to feel discomfort when you do. That’s totally okay. It’s what happens. Breathe into your body sensations. Be in a space of learning instead of judging. It will get easier over time.
I’ve finally learned that when I choose mindfully to meet my needs (whatever they are in the moment), the world does not come to an end. My friends and family still love me. And I love myself more. That’s the NICEst part of all.
JOURNAL PROMPT
Set a timer. Write or draw for 5 minutes. Kids, too!
Describe one ‘should’ you hear yourself say often this time of year. Can you notice any body sensation associated with the should? How do you choose whether or not to honor the should? What happens for you when you imagine meeting your need and NOT honoring the should?
MOVE with MAGNET MAGIC
(with your class, kids, family, friends, or just you…)
1. Collect magnets and any metal surface you have around the house (a muffin pan works great).
2. Have each person take a turn picking a magnet from a bag.
3. Place the magnet on the metal surface; have that person make up a body shape based on the magnet image. Everyone tries it for 3 slow breaths.
ADD ON: Have kids focus on the magnets and then close their eyes. Take one away. Ask which one is missing!